When Things Get Hilly...

Today marks 5 weeks from when we took off from Shanghai, China and flew over 7,000 miles to get to our new home in Chattanooga, TN. We've had company visit every weekend, which has been a much needed distraction and kept our hearts full as it happened to be visitors from many different seasons of life, including friends from China. 

People keep asking us, how are you doing? The truth is, I don't know. Do any of us really know how we're doing? I've kept my head so busy so my heart can't really feel. I want to be excited and embrace this new adventure, however I know if I allow myself that joy it comes with the pain of closing a chapter. The closing of the chapter is not just on life in China, but for life overseas and my identity of being an expat. 

In the last five weeks, we have painted four rooms, purchased a car, unpacked 90% of our boxes, halfway set up a classroom, hosted visitors three weekends and traveled to the lake twice, not to mention are constantly comparing life here to life in China. My head keeps making mental to-dos so I can keep crossing them off. I am NOT juggling the daily chores of laundry and dishes and keeping picked up yet. I believe we will have to build up our stamina in that area again. I am NOT feeling ready to dive into teaching during a pandemic on a new platform at at new school with a new community of parents and students. 

My heart is still closed up tight and for now I think that is okay. We are all entering and have been dealing with a season that makes no sense that seems to continue to worsen as we stare in disbelief at the new inputs almost daily. 

I'd like to blame my weight gain poundage on COVID, however that's not entirely fair nor helpful for me in getting back on track. I'm sure it is the lack of routine and being completely overwhelmed at the grocery store that the ease of the American drive thru has packed it's punch more times than I'd like to admit. 

I've been trying to slowly get back into exercising because I know that helps my head and I've been funky to say the least. All that to say that today marked my first long run to a place that I have envisioned running at since we decided we would be moving back home. Today I did a run/walk to the walking bridge... oldest walking bridge in America. It seems every place we go I cling to one landmark that is symbolic of being connected to that place... Pearl Tower in Shanghai, Twin towers in KL. For me the walking bridge is that symbol that I can't help but stop to notice and admire every time I see it. 

This morning I had a lot of epiphanies that I hope encourage you where ever you may be. Side note, this is a judgement free, no condemnation place of encouragement. If you don't like what you read it's okay to press the x and move along. 

My runs are my alone time in which I've often have what I call Pavement Provocations (Provoking Thought). Here is what I was thinking today and I hope encourages whoever needs to hear it. 

Looking at the hill before us, we think "How will I ever get to the top?" or even say, "There is no way I can make it." I felt that today. I thought, why did I think I could run this and started on a negative feedback loop. Then came the positive self talk. Break that loop. Focus on TRUTH... I began to think, who cares if I don't run it? Walk it. I will still make it to the top. I still got out here and did something hard. 

Cue Epiphany. Many of us [teachers] are about to walk into unknown territory. It looks much like a giant hill and we can't imagine how we will ever make it to the top; we may not even be able to see the top. The truth is we've all made it to the tops of many, many hills before this one and somehow we forgot how strong and resilient we truly are. We will make it to the top. Maybe we will climb at different speeds, some of us walking, some of us sprinting, but we will make it in our own time and together. We are not alone because we are all climbing the same hill. What I see when I look at the hill may look different than what you see, but at the end of the day we are all on the same hill and we know once we reach the top, the rest will be a piece of cake. 

Moving into a season of unknown and a season of "How (the blank) are we going to do this?" I know this feels different. I know this feels scary. I know you feel inadequate. I do. Teachers, I want to remind you that you will and can do whatever is being asked of you. I know this feels completely overwhelming. My encouragement to you is to remember all the hills you conquered before. All the times you thought, no way, not ever and you DID! We truly are in this together. We will do things we've never done before. We will show up for each other and for the kids because that is what we do. We will figure this out. We will make it work. We will be so much stronger on the other end. I don't know when we will reach the apex of the hill, but I know we will. It may be in a month, next semester or next year, but we can't let that impede the work we need to do today; the work we need to do to get up that hill even if we have to drag each other. This is what we are doing. Remember the WE. One step at at time, one new thing at a time, one more inch forward. We will be better, stronger and more resilient on the other side. I just know it. 

I hope when the day comes that we can look back down at the hill we climbed, we all celebrate a job well done, never forgetting what we've done so we're ready for the next one! 

Love and Blessings to you wherever you may be,

Kristy 

Covid-inspired Creating Part 1

No one could have guessed what 2020 would hold. We are living through a global pandemic. This post is part creative expression in the form of fabric and sewing, but really this is a chance for me (personally) to document some of my thoughts during this time.

If you are reading this, this is where the advocacy part comes in. (If you just want the crafting, go to Covid-inspired Creating Part 2) This is where I use this platform to share my thoughts and use my voice. I very rarely do this on a public forum like this, however in these unprecedented times I feel I have some perspective to offer.

NYtimes Article

For those of us here in China, we are months ahead of you in the United States. There are many rumors floating around, but we feel certain the virus may have been closer than we thought back in December. Fast forward to the last day in school before CNY holiday. At mid day, rumors of the virus began, our assembly was cancelled and people traveling were told they must wear a mask. We had not planned on traveling at that time, so we went home and continued to wait. As the days went on, the fear and panic set in. Particularly for us, being so far from home and in a country that was not our own became the driving source of insecurity. We trekked to the local grocer, loading and stocking up for what we thought may have been a month or so. Everyone in masks, everywhere, at all times. Soon after this pandemic stockpiling, the school sent word that if we could fly out we were encouraged to do so, along with the travel advisory warnings from travel to and from China. We hopped on a plane with less than 24 hour notice and went to Malaysia. As we disembarked and left the Penang airport, workers were handing out masks. At that time there were no reported cases on the island of Penang, but they knew to take this thing seriously. We were in Penang almost two months and it is one big blur to be quite honest. It was emotionally draining to navigate; working more hours than what felt like the day had, parenting in an airbnb amidst a pandemic, juggling our own fears and anxieties, again never really sure what we were doing from day to day. The lack of security and constant plans changing from hour to hour as new inputs were received were completely draining. As we spoke with friends back in China, the country was on lock down. They were able to go out to dinner every once in awhile, but for the most part everyone resided in their homes. Everyone wore masks, everywhere, all the time. 

We returned home on March 16th to a quiet, blue-skyyed Jinqiao. Gratitude beyond belief that we were back in our space with our dog, hamster and our BEDS. Because we were coming in from a non-hot-spot area we did not have the hard quarantine. We were able to come and go for necessities from our home and the kids were able to play in our yard. After 14 days, life was pretty much back to normal and we've been enjoying quality time with the neighbors since. We go out, but the new normal means masks are on everywhere, all the time and everywhere you go you get your temp taken. There are QR codes, health forms, frequent check-ins to ensure everyone is healthy. China has handled this with very strict guidelines and have enforced them fully. 

For now, with the border locked the cases are minimal to null and things seem to be under control. That doesn't mean a second wave won't come. That doesn't mean we stop wearing out masks. I have learned not to plan, predict or speculate because it is all in vain. Operate on any given day with the inputs you have, trust your gut and make smart choices. In our house, we help the kids conquer the fear of the virus and fear of going into public places by saying, "We won't be scared, we will be smart." This means wearing masks, and, washing hands often, and social distancing. 

I know you are stir-crazy. I know you are bored, I know you want to go outside. You may be scared. You may not care. You may not think this will affect you or "it's not that bad." If you are reading this, this affects all of us.  Wear a mask and wash your hands if you must go out. It is the self-less, responsible choice that has been proven to reduce the spread of the virus. Is it really THAT big of a deal to slip on a thin piece of fabric, (okay, maybe if you're running a marathon, don't wear a mask), but come on people we are in a global pandemic. Let's care for each other and ourselves by doing something that simple. 

If I can offer any advice... try to reframe your thoughts. Of all the things you think you are missing, think of all the things you GET to do. Continue to love the ones you're with, even if they are driving you crazy. Pull out the puzzles, board games, books, conversation cards and do those things you NEVER seem to have time to do. Learn some new recipes, maybe start a garden. Try to help a neighbor. There are so many hurting, unfortunate people who do not have access to half of the blessings we have. It seems unfair for us to complain about anything and furthermore, it seems unfair that "we" think we are afforded the "right" to go out without a mask. 

You have the time now, what are you going to do with it? 

Spoken with much love,

Kristy 

Pocketful of Poise Growing-up

Is it even really necessary to acknowledge that amount of time that I have been MIA? Writing this post, I can't believe the whirlwind we've been through in the last five years. As I write FIVE years, it's crazy to think about the time continuum that made this feel like a blink. You'll see Jovie in this post, a stark contrast to the tiny infant only a few weeks old when I wrote the last post.

I'll spare you many of the details, as this would take us a long while over many cups of coffee to catch up. You'll notice that our location changed from Kuala Lumpur to Shanghai. We've been here almost four years. I feel more changes are on the horizon.

In the time that I've been "away," I'd like to think that Keith and I did some proper growing up. We joke with our friends that we are still learning the whole "adulting" thing. You would think with a five and nine year old we may have this under our belt. We blame it on the fact that we've been together since we were way too young. Although we married and started our lives at an all too early age, the adulting thing is still something we strive for even after 15 years.

I would like to think that I have grown into less of a "girl" and can confidently say that I am a strong, brave, bold, loved woman who tries to love others. One of my close friends bought me a t-shirt that has become my motto... "Life is short, love big."

Service, growth and connection are the core values that resonate with me strongest and help to guide my decisions (although, like everyone else, I also have wasted days on Netflix). Learner, achiever and connectedness are my top three strengths from the strengths finder. I'm sure these change over time, but for now I really cling to the idea of being a life-long learner, working to achieve goals big and small, to feel productive and to recognize the interconnectedness of all of us (and to nature).

I've grown up quite a bit. More aware of our impact, we really try to not take straws, take our own bags and are working to live and model a less wasteful life for Jaxson and Jovie. I see a garden in our future and maybe even some chickens. I feel the happiest when I am barefoot in the grass, although I despise when my own children come running in the house with their tarnished feet. Living in Asia for eight years has engrained to keep the dirt and grime from feet and shoes at your doorstep.

Resurrecting the ol' crafting blog has happened for a few reasons. One, the most obvious, might be the global pandemic we are in. Although not far from the epi-center (after living in Malaysia and displaced for almost two months) we have returned to Shanghai only to find the space, time and much needed reflection needed for life trajectories to alter. With that said, I miss the crafty Kristy me that is in there. I miss making time to create. So, onto reason two... a desire to reignite this side of me and share it with you in hopes of inspiring you. (it's really just more accountability for me, however you've seen how that goes... hah)

For the moment, I feel like this will be something that I can try to come back to during 2020, more than I have in the last five years. I guess only time will tell.

If you are reading this, I pray you are healthy, making wise choices to keep you and your family safe. I hope you are finding joy in the small things and I wish you the time, space and reflection you need. I now this time has been a trial, but I am hopeful we will come out this stronger and more united with a clarity of who we want to be and how we can serve each other with authentic connections.

Love & Blessings to you,

Kristy